The Perfect Politician

Courtesy of Cracked.com

Today saw both Rosemary "Dana" Scallon and Senator David Norris added to the ballot for the presidential election 2011. I have been pretty vocal in my support for Senator Norris amidst scandal and red top sensation over the past few months, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy when Dublin City Council awarded him the final nod to secure his place among, what has to be said, is a colourful bunch. The more I discuss and read about the race to the Áras, the more I find myself rolling my eyes in despair at the clown car our political system has become.

It seems appropriate for Dana to be on the ticket when the candidacy so far has been more like the bastard child of The X-Factor and Eurovision than the democratic process of a republic. I know I'm not alone in feeling that in this election, and every one I can remember, we're voting who we think is least unsuitable. I end up selecting who I dislike the least on the ballot because I can't really relate to any of them.

People in political life seem so far removed from my experiences that nothing they say or do really resonates. For a brief moment in the last general election, Dylan Haskins caught my attention. He was young, dynamic and genuinely interested in representing the youth vote. Now I don't consider myself a spring chicken but the allegiances of old family politics mean nothing to me. I want to see a candidate who represents me, my life and people like me. But it hasn't happened yet.

So what is it we want from a politician now? We say we want to do away with parish pump politics, but I can understand the popularity of rural TDs who go out of their way to sort out the bins, and organise a late license for the local. The Healy Rae's may be a joke to many cosmopolitan Dubs but at least the people of Kerry know their faces.

There is a vast population of apartment dwellers and suburbanites who have become disconnected from society and by default their local representatives. We have all heard about the neighbourless (in some cases literally) estates where young couples are living as separate units, stuck in their situations because of negative equity. Are they to become as isolated from the political process as they are from the local community?

During the last election, twitter was swamped with tweets complaining that they hadn't seen sight nor sound of canvassers on their doorstep. Joan Burton said she understood their frustrations but it was too difficult to gain access to apartment blocks. But is that what we want? If we see people calling door to door, will it increase our chances of voting? Will it give us time to air our grievances with some canvasser who can sound off a hundred stock responses to every question?

Would local workshops be more effective? Setting up stalls or mobile units where constituents can come and discuss their problems, with a view to solving them. Would it help to get some face time with your representative? Would it make a difference to us at all? Only if the promises made, are kept. And which promises? How should we decide, in an economy such as ours, who is more deserving? And who first.

We want more women in politics, but when it comes to these types of choices, it's a job I don't envy. The women who run will be scrutinised far more so than their male counterparts. People disagree with quotas, it should be the qualifications and experience that ensure the job, not a mandatory percentile. And on the face of it I agree with that argument, but only if it's a level playing field. How many male politicians do you think are suitable for the positions they hold? How many male politicians have proved capable? Women should be allowed to at least get their foot in the door and succeed or fail in the same way as men do. When a women shines and rises in politics, then so much further she has to fall. Her manner of dress, her decisions, her capability, her hair, her weight, her intelligence will all be up for comment. because politics has become like show business.

Do we want out politicians to be like stars? We watched as the charismatic Barack Obama seduced the sun from the sky, and even as we ridiculed Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann here on the left, it was clear that in the image stakes we in Ireland had nothing that could compare.

So... what makes the perfect politician?

Smooth, intelligent, witty speeches delivered with passion and sincerity, we want our politicians to look and sound effortless.

Stylish, they should be well dressed in a manner that suits them. Although not necessarily formal

They should be energetic and youthful, if not in years, in attitude

We want them to listen and hear the their constituents and deliver on the promises they make.

They should be capable of engaging on social networking platforms, or at least have staff that are capable of managing their online affairs professionally and without #fail. So important now too is their ability to be web savvy.

Honesty. To be prepared for almost any question, but not to bullshit when their not.

We ask that they not have a history of wrongdoing or scandal... yet we value one who stands up to the establishment for the right cause.

They should stand up and be counted when it comes to controversial issues, not cower behind party lines and special interest groups.

They should speak for the marginalised in society, give them a voice, rights and services.

How much of this is just fantasy? Are we asking too much? Or is it only right that the first citizens of our republic should represent the best in us?

I think that if I even saw some of these traits in local politicians, it would make me feel included in the discussion. What's your wish list when it comes to politics? Do you think Ireland 2.0 might bring real change or will it be different suit same player?